Thursday, September 24, 2009

Cause I'm Just Too Cool To Pee Without It Burning

I'm leaving for my trip, very shortly. So true to usual fashion, what happens? I get sick.

Gotta love it.

Last week I felt like I was getting a UTI, but then the next day it went away. So I carried on with life, until yesterday when I felt like my whole crotch was burning off. I was ready to flush my nether regions with bleach, just to lessen the burn. This, warrants a trip to the doctor.

So I go, very reluctantly. I've only had one panic attack in my life, but I came about 2 seconds away from having another one, just at the mere thought of all of those sick people sitting there with me. Thankfully, no one looked "ill for real", and I made it out of there just fine.

That is, after the mental games with the doctor, who apparently thought I showed up at that germ infested place, just to get antibiotics for an infection that doesn't exist. Yep, that was top priority on my list for the day buddy. Thanks.

Anyhow, I procrastinated and didn't even get my stuff packed until today- a probable first for me, because I am always packed days, sometimes weeks, in advance. But now? I'm ready to roll.

Be back next week ;)

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Tourist For A Day

I had a nice day playing tourist in my own town. It was fun to walk around and take pictures, and look generally lost/confused. I have learned though, that my town is better seen in person, it's really hard to capture what a cobblestone street looks like in a picture, without it looking like...well, just a cobblestone street. I promise that there are lots of little neat-o shops and stores that line each side. If you want to know how nice it is, then you'll just have to come and see for yourself ;)

And so, without further adeu, here is what I have captured of my town. I started off the day with my little point and shoot camera, I suspect that if I would have carried around my Cannon beast, I would have had better pics. But I also would have had sore shoulders and a potential migraine by the end of the day..

(apparently I made the pics small, click on them to enlarge..I think.. ;) )

Starting off my NOT the side of the horse that you want to find yourself behind, with windows down..

The of those that you definitely have to see in person to appreciate. It's big, and ...fort-like. No, it really is neat, it's just huge and not camera friendly ;)

The old town sits right on the bay- which leads into the river (the site of husbands lack of boat driving and sign reading skills), and right into the ocean. You're basically looking at all 3 of them in this picture-labeled for your enjoyment.

A view of one of the main streets, from the fort.

Soldiers, on a coffee run ;)

A few of the town in general

The Casa Monica Hotel- gorgeous inside (didn't go in this time)

This is Flagler College- once a hotel, then converted to an all girls college. They give tours everyday while people are in class. Part of me has to think that would be distracting. At any rate, it's a beautiful school.

Not bad for a City Hall, huh?

This one's for you Bridgett ;) (the store is called Notions and Potions)

I just liked this one- the town square has the oldest, most beautiful, huge trees everywhere. Lots of shade and Spanish Moss, it's very quiet and serene most days :)

Well there you have it. My heavily-pictured post on my life as a tourist in my own town for the day. I got a few weird stares because I think at this time of the year, most people are locals. I was also alone, and walking and snapping pictures at the same time, so I'm sure I looked a bit goofy. It was a beautifully hot and humid day too :) I walked all through the town until I got to the dress shop, only to realize I had forgot my credit card in my car. Needless to say, after all that sweaty walking, I came home dressless, but still satisfied ;)

Saturday, September 19, 2009


Side note- I wanted to title this entry "Cattyness", but I'm not totally sure if it's spelled like that, or as cattiness*, so, Bitches will do. :)

I'm finding myself sitting here tonight wonder why there is so much hatred in the world, why so much rudeness? I've seen it first hand this week- although the issues have been very mild, I've seen it. Both ironically have been in the facebook world, and I'm considering just deleting my page altogether. Just tonight, I actually had a girl tell me that I have NO CLASS because I said that I hoped a football team would lose! Seriously people, who gives a rats ass about football enough to insult someone they don't even know. Who?! As much as I would really just love to give people a peace of my mind, I try really, really hard to not hurt other's feelings, or put them down. I want my kids to be good people when they grow up, and I do try to lead by example. And so anyway, here is my virtual toast to you, BITCHES, for being just that- bitches.

I feel better now ;)

This weekend has been very nice and relaxing. Today we rented a boat, and explored our town from the other side- the water. It was a really nice day, despite the fact that son hated the boat. Yup, my son who loves nothing but being home and playing, also hates boats. He was saying "I don't want it, I don't want it" long before we ever even got on the boat. We took our chances anyway, and after a little bit of crying he finally settled down and just spent the rest of the trip laying on me. His ears are really sensitive lately, and he seems to cover them a lot when something is loud, so he spent part of the time on me, ears covered. He survived though, and I'm hoping the next time we try it, it won't be so bad.

The highlight of the trip was when husband was going wide open, which mind you is not that fast in the minivan of the sea pontoon boat, and we came upon a sand bar, literally in the middle of a really deep river. Granted we were only going about 20mph, but then we came to an abrupt stop, and quickly realized what happened. Husband freaked, and starts the motor full speed ahead, and we're going nowhere. I finally convince him to settle down, and we decide there's no other option but to push the boat. So, in the middle of our very deep river, husband gets out. The water is not even waist deep, and he pushes us out of there to safety.

Of all days to forget my camera... !

I'm seriously thinking I should talk him into a re-enactment so that I can catch it in print ;) Once we got out of there and headed back towards the dock, we saw the rather large, bright red, buoys that were a giant warning to stay out of that area.

Note to self: when boating, look for red buoys. And try to avoid boating at low tide, for obvious reasons.

Tomorrow I'm determined to hunt down this really cute dress that I saw in the old town the other day, and to hopefully take some pictures too. As much as I bitch about living somewhere boring, I honestly do love living in Florida. And if you catch me in the right mood, the beauty of the old town definitely gets me :) It's never occurred to me to actually photograph where we live, because that is quite tourist-y, but in that, I realized that I have no pictures of our new town, and that's something I may want one day. In fact, I know it's something I'll want, I wanted it last week ;) So tomorrow I'm on a mission.

This next week is going to be really busy, lots of house cleaning to do, and packing, and did I mention that I'm leaving for Jamaica in just one (hopefully short) week? :)

*((According to spell check, it's cattiness, but Bitches has grown on me)). My blog, my rules. ;)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Old Town

Things around here have been crazy to say the least. I had NO clue how big of a transition it would be for daughter to go from Kindergarten to 1st grade. She's expected to read 20 minutes a night, and has to document it to be reviewed each week, or she's penalized. We also have math homework, plus spelling homework, which takes the longest of all of them. I'm pretty sure I giggled a little when I heard someone say that 1st grade was hard, but they weren't joking. Obviously they meant it was hard for the parents, because 1st grade is kicking my ass. We do all of this in addition to gymnastics, Girl Scouts, and soccer, while still trying to maintain an 8:30-9:00 bedtime. So far, it's not working out so great, but I'm sure we'll fall into place soon enough. I had a much better routine last year, just have yet to make it there this time around.

The weekend was nice and low key. My parents flew in on Friday, which was also husband's birthday. We ate at a local Cuban (Spanish? I don't know) restuarant in the old town of St Augustine. I have to say that the old town grows on me more each time that I go there. Plenty of people obviously love it, since they vacation here. To me, it was a bit of a let down from the start. Pretty crappy thing to say about the oldest city in America (literally), BUT the reason I was let down was because we left a tiny hole-in-the-wall town to move to a big city. We got to the big city, and realized that the crime and crappy school system was so piss poor, that we had to move the next town over in order to get a good education for our kids, and refrain from having a cap busted in our asses. This town is St Augustine, which happens to be about the same size as the town we moved from, and a lot older and somewhat outdated. We're not all the way in town, but rather in a golfing community about 20 minutes out, so we're conveniently located to nothing, but at least we're midway between the city and the town. Anyhow, Friday was perfect. The dinner wasn't great, but we were finally low on humidity, and there was a wonderful breeze that was preceeding the storm coming in. It was dark with a crystal clear sky, and walking around the old town was wonderful. One of these days I'm going to actually take pictures of where we live. Seems like that would make sense, no? We had lots of rain Saturday, but all in all it was a great visit.

The highlight of the trip had to be when we went to the outlet mall. Husband and I took son into the Disney store, and daughter was with my parents. They then decided to tell us when we came back, that daughter went into the store to find us (we weren't in there) and sent me into utter panic that she had been lost/stolen/kidnapped. Oh what, you don't see the humor in this?

Yeah, me neither. It didn't go over too well. Ugh.

With this trip behind us, it puts me one step closer to my GIRLS TRIP, which is less than 2 weeks away! I've got a lot of personal things- internal debates, struggles, and annoyances going on right now. I'll save it for another post, but let's just say I really am ready for this trip!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Cleaning Crew

I'm lacking in updates, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes I just want to come on here and ramble. Nice for me, boring as crap for you. ;)

At this point, I am doing what I do best, which is preparing for company. Husband turns 30 on the 11th and so my parents are coming to watch the kids so we can go out. parents are spending a few hundreds of dollars to come down for my husbands birthday? Not so much. We welcome company at any time, so I guess that my mom felt that maybe since she called me literally 2 hours after daughter had left from visiting this summer and asked to come down, that she needed a good reason. At any rate, I need an escape and so I'll take what I can get. Don't know where we're going or what we're doing, but I am ready for a moment of sanity. I'm thinking a night of game playing at Dave and Busters, because I am all about any place that serves alcohol AND tells adults to play games. Does it get any better than that??

Once my parents leave on the 14th, it will be 11 days until my mother in law and bestie get here for the girls cruise. No, mother in law isn't going, but merely providing her child watching services to the kids, because husband can't. That's a whole other rant in itself.

So one would think, well I will spend that 11 days getting clothes laid out (I am a very detailed packer, people),doing my normal day to day things, and relaxing (does that happen, seriously?) etc. But what will I be doing?

Scrubbing the ever loving shart out of my house.

This sounds ass backwards to me- I'm getting ready to leave on a trip and I am cleaning like a mad lady? Unfortunately, true.

I don't know why, but when my mother in law visits, she also thinks that she has to clean my house. Don't get me wrong, it's nice, but I object. I like to do things my way, on my terms. It's safe to say that she does them as close to the way that I do as possible, but what I have issue with is that fact that she's supposed to be here watching the kids, not cleaning. While I am confident in my own abilities to do both, I'm not confident in anyone else's. I'm just weird like that. When she cleans, she goes all out and so it really takes a lot of her attention. She is also on the heavier side, and when she works on the house all day, then her knees get really messed up and she gets grouchy. It's hardly the ideal situation. On top of that, she also does my laundry. And when I say does laundry, I mean DOES laundry. She folds socks for crying out loud. She folds underwear, blues are only washed with blues, browns with browns, you get the point. It's quite the production, and now I see why she hates laundry so much. It's an all day and night job. I also do not enjoy my mother in law washing my underwear. Is that not a bit weird? Just a bit?

So...this means that I literally will have to spring clean my house once my parents are gone. It's the ONLY way to ensure that she doesn't do it while she's here, and it's one less thing that I will have to worry about. Right now I'm contemplating hiring someone else to do it for me. Of course the fact is that once she's here means that we will be headed to Jamaica, and that is a fantabulous reward for all of the hard work that I am sure to put in beforehand.

There is no other real news around here to report. I'm in one of my funks about living in Florida. Don't get me wrong, I love the state. I love our house, and the schools and everything like that. But it's hard to meet people, and it's even more hard when I don't put myself out there. Obviously you can't make new friends, if you are at home 24/7. It's definitely a different dynamic because I am the youngest person with kids our kids ages around here. People are all around unfriendly it seems. I've met about 4-5 people that are really nice and lots of fun, but I miss that "best friend" feeling of being able to call and talk to someone, or go out to dinner or just hang out while we're getting groceries, etc. There are actually 2 other moms on my street that are my age- literally across from my house- that have kids that are the same ages as my kids--the girls even ride the bus with daughter, and yet, they don't speak. Maybe I stink and I don't know it? I dunno. All I do know is that I need to start whoring myself out for some adult friends soon, before I go nuts. It really is a daunting task, one that I'm trying to work up to. I went to a moms night out last night and it was really fun, I knew the main girl hosting it because our kids are in Girl Scouts together, but it's hard to meet new people in a house of 25 drinking women ;) ::Sigh:: Still hoping to find that balance and that the answer comes to me soon, before I get the itch to just tell husband to move us somewhere else that I may be bitter towards too, and start all over again. I feel like I've been home with my kids for so long and not had to actually go out and meet new people, because we always lived near family and old friends, and now when I am faced with the situation I'm just all around awkward. Bah. Pardon the pity party.

Besides all of that, I've had a stiff neck/shoulders/3 day migraine thing going on, that I'm finally recovering from. Soooo.. needless to say, when my parents come to visit this weekend, husband and I may end up with a hotel room somewhere so that I can drink myself into a relaxed state once again. ;)

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of School Bells

Daughter started back to school yesterday- I think that she had a great day.I have to say that so far, I am really pleased with her teacher, and just the school in general. Florida ranks terrible for public schools, so I'm glad that our county tested #1 in the state. It makes me feel better about being here, even though we are a bit too far out from town for my taste. As we were walking in, her principal said "Hi (name)!". It really amazes me that with 600+ kids, he knows names, and especially of the smaller kids who have only been there a year or so. She's learned to read and spell, and has learned SO much in her year there. Color me impressed :)

I have to admit, and I hate to admit, that I am really having issues about her being in school this year, due to the whole Swine Flu thing. I can honestly say that this is the one and only time I wish we still lived in WV, back in the safe little bubble, feeling practically removed from society. My family has barely heard a thing about the flu, I guess no one is going out of town, and no one is coming in either in that area. So while as a nurse, I know what has to be done to keep from getting sick, there are only so many times that you can drill cleanliness into a 6 year old's head, and most likely it still will not strike a cord. I have tried to let her know that this can be very serious in some cases, and after all, I don't want any of us sick. Or worse. :( I think that I probably wouldn't be bothered, had we not had 4 deaths one county over from us, the most recent being a woman who was only 26- a year younger than me. Ugh. It's one of those things that is for the most part, out of my control. So I try not to think about it, but the bigger of a place you live, the more often you see it on the news. Damn the news.

In other not-so-exciting news, I had my annual GYN appt yesterday. I was 3 months past the time that I should have went- something that I've never done. Honestly, I feel like there are so many things wrong with my body, and then I feel like a nut case for mentioning them because at my age, I don't think I should have anything to complain about. But, I have been having dreadful periods, lots of cramping, and am SO tired that sometimes I am not sure that I can make it back off of the couch. Unfortuntely these are very vague symptoms, and so she's doing appropriate bloodwork to see if we can come up with any ideas. We have thyroid problems in the family, and she also suspects that I could be anemic or have a few vitamin deficiencies. She also said that my uterus is enlarged, and I may have fibroids. So, my friends, gynecologically I am falling apart. It could be a lot worse, so I will count my blessings and hope that my pap comes back normal. And hopefully soon, I can drag my ass out of bed and not pour a glass of Coke, so that I can get my bloodwork drawn. She was, at least, the nicest doctor that I have EVER met in my life, hands down, and I left out of there feeling like there may be hope after all. She also suggested birth control for my migraines, but I'm nowhere near that desperate yet. Don't get me started on how I feel about birth control, because I won't shut up about it. Let's just say, I don't take it. :) It has nothing to do with religious beliefs, I just hate the stuff, due to past experiences.

So there you have it my friends. A very, very boring update :) I have nothing of true excitement to report because we've been busy working on the house. Husband and I spent the entire weekend working on getting rid of things here to donate and sell, and I am pleased to say the least. Of course we didn't make it as far as getting it OUT of here, so once it's gone to Goodwill this weekend, I will be jumping for joy :) We have 3 closets totally full of stuff to get rid of, and threw away about 15 bags of stuff. Only about 2 hours later, it was more like 7 bags, because for some reason people came and dug through our trash once we went in. I can only assume that they take it and sell it. But seriously, they dug through my trash. It's true people, you honestly can't escape redneck, no matter where you live. :)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I Live To Hear Another Day

Daughter and I survived our trip to see the Jonas Brothers. I honestly have to say that I've never heard anything so loud in my life. We've seen Hannah Montana in concert, and I've also been to many Nascar races without ear plugs. But this, my friends, was far more loud than those two combined. Just imagine over 20,000 screaming girls if you will ;) For a split second, I thought that I was never going to hear again. But thankfully, all is well today and the constant hummmmmmmmmm has disappeared.

I won't really go into too much detail because I am sure to bore everyone. We had great seats on the floor, 14 rows back. Of course anytime one of the boys came near us (there was also a walkway on each end, so at times we were a mere 3 seats away from them), the whole row squished on top of us for just a slight chance to touch one of them.Ugh. So seats on the floor? A definite mistake. When I went to buy them, it gave me seats in the lower level first and I got rid of them. I was thinking along the wrong lines- I was forgetting I was taking a 6 year old and not an adult. So for about 3 1/2 hours, we stood on our feet, and I held her the majority of the time because she couldn't have seen otherwise.

My arms hurt.

Some may say I'm crazy, or may say that you hate the Jonas Brothers, etc etc. Truthfully, I am glad that I can do things like this for my kids,and with my kids. Music has always been something that I love, and I hope that that passion is passed on to my kids. Music kept me going on many occasions in my teenage years, there are so many songs that I have identified with through my life. I can only hope that music is something that my kids love too, because it can be a great outlet. So as long as I think that what they like is appropriate, I'm more than glad to take them, regardless of personal opinion. I also have to say that I am a fan of talent. It seems like a lot of people these days make it based on so many other things. So to see a group of boys who sing, write, and play their own stuff is refreshing. There's nothing wrong with "just" being able to sing, but it's nice to see people who can play a guitar, and a piano, and drums, etc.

So what if my ticket collection ranges from the likes of Aerosmith to DMB to the Jonas Brothers? ;) I still remember in high school when my dad, the preacher, took me and a boyfriend to see Aerosmith because I was totally loving them. He didn't support the cursing, or the people in front of us getting high (lol) but he took me, for me. I remember that. What's important to me is having a great time,just like it was important to him, for me. When I was a teenager, I swore to myself that I would let my kids do whatever they wanted and that I was going to be a totally cool parent. Of course I'm nowhere near as easy going as I thought I would be, but anytime I can be the cool mom that I planned on being, I hope to do so. Sometimes, I feel much older than 27. Last night was a good example of that, but it didn't stop me from dancing and singing along, because I want to show daughter that having fun is possible no matter how "old" you are.

This little mini trip wraps up our summer travels. Looking back, we've definitely had an adventurous time over the last couple of months. From normal vacations, to my disastrous Bahamas trip, to our failed attempt at going to WV. I can only say that I am glad to end the summer on a high travel note instead of a low one. Sometimes I prefer not to go out in style, thanks.

Now we move into school mode on Monday, and then a few visits- my parents are coming for husbands birthday in September, and at the end of September is my girls cruise. Mother in law is bringing my best girl down with her, and we will take off to Miami the next day. Son did just fine here with husband while we were gone last night and so that makes me feel soooo much better about leaving him. He's been known to cry for me for hours at times, just when I'm making a trip to the store. So I'm hoping that a successful time away from me last night, coupled with the fact that he's been asking for mamaw, will mean that he's going to be fine without me for 5 days. Goodness knows I need a break and I'm excited for some girl time!! The ocean and beach soothe me, and the Caribbean sea is like a drug- I can't get enough of that beautiful blue water :)

With that, I will leave you with just a few pictures from our travels..

Daughter- in the car when our trip began:

A typical drive in Florida- long, flat, and sometimes rainy ;)

Tampa- or part of it:

Daughter, modeling her concert attire

Jordin Sparks from American Idol- she did a really great opening act, I was surprised and impressed!She looked great too!

A couple of concert shots- the second one being when they came out on a crane type thing and doused the entire lower level audience with foam and water. Personally I thought it was cool (and funny in a smart ass type way)- especially since they are boys and there are most likely a lot of girls in that audience that spent hours on their hair and makeup ;)

And finally, if you want even just a taste of what my eardrums were subject to last night, then view this and imagine it 100000000x more loud ;) It's at about the 1 minute mark where they are finally seen, and already singing. In person you could kind of hear it, on my camera it's so loud that you don't hear anything but screams. Whew.

I came, I saw, I conquered.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Another Day, Another Dollar (Spent)

Every time my mom comes to visit, she brings something for my kitchen. It's kind of a crack on my less-than-spectacular cooking skills, and also a running joke that we have going now. Anytime she mails a package to son or daughter, I always get a "present" too. Sometimes it's tongs, (not to be confused with thongs because that would be too much fun), sometimes a spatula, an egg flipper or whatever they're called. You know, the kind of stuff that you're just itching to get in the mail. ;)

I'm sure I've mentioned many, many times that I love to shop. So the other day it dawned on me. I need a better and more functional kitchen, and I also love to shop. Why not combine the two?

I started by tossing all of my plastic. There have been sooo many bad things in the news lately about plastic, and I was just tired of even having to worry about it. so I tossed all of our plastic drinking cups and replaced them with glass.

Instant sophistication Riiiight.

Then I tossed all of my plastic storage containers and replaced them with glass, and tossed my plastic serving pieces and replaced them with some really neat wooden ones.

Bored yet? This is fun to me people! (No really, I just lack anything else to talk about).

Then I wondered, as much as I love to spend money, why have I had the same pot holders for almost 7 years now? They are filthy, burnt, and just gross. They barely even worked to begin with. So I bought new pot holders, and new dish towels too.

I think the main reason my kitchen lacked in updating is because that's just not fun. I'd much rather spend my money on fun things for myself and the kids, not to mention my Jeep guzzles gas and so a good chunk of money goes to that too. Plus, it's much more fun to make my mom feel sorry for me and my culinary deficiency, then she goes out and buys me all sorts of new serving things and fun glass stuff. Partly because she wants me to have it, but mainly because when she comes here and cooks, she gets tired of asking me for something, only to have me say "I don't know what that is". ;)

Not joking though, I usually don't know what she's talking about..

The end result is something that would bore you all to tears, much like I am sure the rest of this post has, so I will just post a picture of my kitchen, and not all the crap I put in it, in order to pat myself on the back for all of my hard work. ;)

Woot Woot Kitchen!

Moving on.

Things around here have been normal, quiet, and dull. I appreciate that at most times. Daughter has a terrible attitude problem, but nonetheless, we are leaving Tuesday for the Jonas Brothers concert. Had I not bought her the tickets for all of her hard work in kindergarten, I would have sold them by now. But her hard work in school still deserves to be rewarded, and so leave, we shall. I have to admit that I'm looking forward to going and relaxing. It kind of seems like a contradiction to go to a concert of thousands of screaming girls and claim to relax, but that's just how I roll.

Our only other news of excitement is this:

It doesn't appear that any of these things are going to cause problems for us, except that Bill is huge and we aren't sure where it's headed. As of now it isn't supposed to come to us, but I am sure we will deal with lots of rain and wind for a few days at least. After many, many days of 90+ degrees, a little wind may not feel so bad ;)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Home again, home again, jiggity jig...

(Not our actual plane)

Home again, so soon, you ask?

Oh yes. I'm home.

Our trip (that never was) started off yesterday on a late note. Husband had a long day at work and came home about 6. We got on the road about 7, and headed to Orlando. No biggie, the airport is less than 2 hours away and we arrived with no problems.

We had a nice, new, hotel room. Of course with that came the new smell, and my overly sensitive nose. I managed to avoid the migraine that I was sure would occur, and so off to sleep we went.

Until I realized that we were in fact sleeping on THE loudest bed. ever.

I'm a total bed whore, and not in that way, just that I am very much in love with my own bed, and I have a hard time making it anywhere else. This bed wasn't nearly as rock hard as the one we had on vacation, but it was so damn LOUD! Seriously, every movement could be heard, and felt. Ugh.

When the alarm went off at 5am, I felt like I had just barely went to sleep..and I probably had :/ We got ready, and made our way to the airport for our 6:50am departure.

We squealed tires and screeched into the terminal with about 10 minutes to spare before take off, only to find out that the flight was delayed 30min. This actually played to our advantage because we were nearly going to miss the flight. Upon check in, the guy tells us that he cannot seat us together, we each have a seat in a separate row.

"So I'm supposed to let my 2 year old sit ALONE on a plane? Ha."

Thankfully, when we got to the gate we realized that he had sat us together after all- not sure what the mix up was. Oh and might I add, we weren't the very last people to check in- 2 guys beside us checked in and had to rearrange their luggage because they were going to have to pay a $50 overweight luggage fee. Why, you ask? Because he had a suit case FULL of drills, screw drivers, and tools of other various persuasions. When he found out that his suitcase was too heavy, he took them OUT of the suitcase and used them in his carry-on. Yeah, that made us feel safe. A guy with a bag full of drills and screw drivers.

Anyhow, we get to our gate and they make an announcement that the plane will not take off at 7:20a, but rather at 9:00a due to fog in WV. That's ok with us, we can tough it out for another hour. At 9:00a, the screen says our takeoff is "To Be Announced", and they come on and say that the weather is ok, but that they don't have paperwork on the plane that allows them to fly's lost, they can't find it.

WTF?! This turned out to be a non-issue before too long, because they brought another plane over, changed the crew onto it, and loaded the luggage onto the plane. Only apparently we would soon find that this plane was not inspected. Or maybe it was, but whatever.

We finally get on board about 10am, 2 hour and 10 minutes after we should have already landed. As soon as we take off, son starts saying "I want down! I want down!", and he didn't mean out of his seat, he meant off of the plane. I start freaking out, thinking that he was going to freak out for the next hour and a half. I'm sure that he could tell that I was tense, but if you knew me "in real life", you would know that I am terribly afraid of flying and so there was no avoiding my freak out. I even tried to be tough and not take my nerve pill before we took off, but apparently I should have taken both of them ;)

Shortly after take off, son falls asleep and so I try to do that as well (didn't happen). We get about 30 minutes into our flight, and the plane takes a hard turn, only when I look out the window, we are actually turning almost a complete circle. I ask husband "Did we just turn around??".

For the next 10 minutes, people look somewhat confused, and the pilot calls the flight attendant 3 times during this period. With the last call, she looks a little concerned, and then an announcement comes over the speaker.

"Uh..ladies and gentlemen, in case you haven't noticed, we have turned around and are headed back to Orlando. We know that you've had a very long day, but we are getting some readings up here that something in the cockpit needs to be checked out. reason for concern...just needs to be checked out..."

The next 25 minutes that followed were quite nerve racking. The plane did lots of weaving from side to side, a good bit of bumping, and due to being so close to where we took off from, we descended quite fast to be able to land. I was ready to have a heart attack, and throw up all at once. We land, HARD, and come to a stop. At this point I am telling husband "They have to let me off of here, you don't understand. I'm NOT staying on here and taking off again." Fortunately they made everyone get off, and at that point I am OVER the whole ordeal. It's been 5 1/2 hours and we're back where we started, son is exhausted and so are we, and 2 out of 3 of us are traumatized. At least son was being SO well behaved, I was quite impressed!

At that point, we make the decision to just go back home. They couldn't guarantee us when the plane would take off again or anything. It ended up only being 3 hours later, which wasn't so bad, but with a tired 2 year old and the bad flight, we just weren't willing to wait anymore. Husband called the corporate for the airline, and they actually gave us a full refund- or so they said. 24 hours later, it's not pending in my bank account, so I'm not sure what's going on there. Refunds through airlines are generally unheard of, but husband negotiates for a living most days, so it wasn't an issue ;) As long as the money goes back in there. If not, I just feel sorry for those people when he calls back. We are not the kind of people that are rude for no reason, or call to tell people off for the hell of it, but when husband called and the lady at corporate said "It's not my problem", well.. they are kind of on his bad side now.

We go to leave the airport, and I realize that son's carseat is underneath the plane as checked luggage. So a little bit more waiting, and coloring in son's notebook in the massage chairs, we were out of there. Husband was on such a roll that he even got us out of paying parking at the airport. Sometimes he is actually useful ;)

Of course the flip side to all of this is that while I was dreading the guilt we were going to get while visiting, we are now getting 10x more for not coming. I totally understand them being upset when we went from coming, to being late, to not coming at all, but the lack of understanding just annoys me to no end. No. End. I have to do what I can- as usual- to listen, but let some of it just roll in one ear and out the other- I can't deal with the constant guilt trips and phone calls of what we should have done, or what they would have done, etc etc. It's wondeful to be loved and cared for so much by family, but sometimes it can still annoy the crap out of me.

So now, husband has to get up at 5am tomorrow, drive 5 hours to meet mother in law halfway, get daughter, and then turn around and come right back home.

What a week......

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Another travel..

We're headed out again tomorrow-to WV. To "home", to pick up daughter- who has been there since the 26th of July. I think she's more than ready to come back, and we're more than ready to have her back :) She will more than likely come back with a big I can do anything I want, you're not the boss of me now, attitude. It's expected, and it will take awhile to get her back into normal mode, but I'm up to the challenge ;)

Due to what I am sure will be a guilt-induced,non-stop grief ridden trip, I've cut it short and have already planned out most of the time while I'm there so that I don't have to hear about living here and not there. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my family. They are awesome, and they have always been wonderful to me. You would never know by the insane amounts of complaining I do as of late, but I am very appreciative of the family I've been given. However, moving here put a strain on our relationships, and it's only just now starting to come back around. I know that for each person, they are only saying the things that they say out of love- but when you get those sayings from 5-10 people at minimum, I end up coming home emotionally spent. So I do what I can to be accommodating to others feelings, while drawing a line to make sure I spare my own feelings and sanity. It's what has to be done ;)

In the midst of all of this planning and preparing, son has taken on the task of completely disrupting his sleep schedule. I blame it partly on myself and summer, because we are a lot more flexible with bedtime during the summer, within reason. it started out with us just bumping bedtime back an hour for him- which put him in the 9:30ish range. When he goes to bed, he sleeps an average of 10-12 hours, which is normal for his age. However, over the course of the last few weeks, he has managed to push his bedtime back to midnight- and that's even with me not letting him take a nap. Ugh. I'm not really sure what has thrown him off so much, but it has definitely been worse since the Bahamas trip. I haven't really bothered to try to get him back on a schedule, just because we are leaving again tomorrow and I know that it would serve no purpose. Daughter was always good to sleep away from home, because we allowed her to sleep in the bed with us. However, I refused to have another kid in my bed for 4 years, and so son sleeps in his crib and does very well- but it makes travel difficult. Especially coming back home because then he wants to be in the bed with me since he's been able to do it while we were gone. Whew.

I say all of this to say, I am mentally beat. I go home, to two ill grandpas. My one grandpa who is living with the return of his cancer, and- against my advice- no one in the family has told him that they know that his cancer is back. It's a real communication issue, don't you think? My other grandpa was put in the hospital the day that we came back from the Bahamas- July 26th- and is just now being discharged. Only he has been in the hospital for so long that he is so weak. He's been through many, many, tests, and had to endure many days in a row that he couldn't eat. So he's very weak and has to be discharged to a local nursing home for rehab physical therapy. It's all VERY hard on my family, because he's nowhere near needing to actually be in a nursing home. He's very healthy normally, and very self sufficient, so for him to be in a nursing home is very frightening for him. Imagine being yourself- completely in your right mind and healthy, just weak, and being surrounded by Alzheimer's patients and people who are calling out and moaning all hours of the night. I have to admit for me, when I was in nursing school, the nursing home rotation was the hardest for me. You see lots of things that you don't want to see- you don't want it to happen to your elderly family members. You also don't want to see the people there that are neglected by family, and a lot of times neglected by the staff as well. It's a place full of people- often times too many- yet it always felt so lonely to me. So as you can imagine, having my totally healthy grandpa in a nursing home is quite traumatic for my family. If you've ever been in one, just imagine yourself there as a resident. Meh. :/

So in between seeking constant updates on my grandpa(s), dealing with guilt that sometimes creeps up on me for not being there, juggling a few personal problems of my own, and son's apparent late night party habit, I am spent. I can only hope that after this trip, life resumes some sense of normalcy and I can relax a bit.

Yeah right...

Friday, July 31, 2009

Pictures & Prayers

I'm going to attempt to show off a few of our photos from our vacation, and our bahamas trip :)

Here's son and I in the pool- that's about as much of myself in a bikini that I'm willing to show on here ;)

How cool is this? Daughter, and my new underwater camera!

Son, in our condo (in Destin)-- it's rare that I get him to sit still for a pic, let alone smile for it!

Daughter,showing off her necklace and bracelet that my grandma got for her

The view from our hotel in the Bahamas- wouldn't you like to wake up to that everyday? Honestly I do have to say, that the water is much better from a distance. Freeport is quite north in the Caribbean- only 55miles off of the coast of Florida. So the water there, is not nearly as pretty as some of the other places we've been. But, it sure beats the Atlantic ;)

And, the kiddos..

Sometimes they do love each other! Don't let this picture fool you though ;)

I have a lot more pictures, but most would be boring to anyone that isn't family ;) There isn't much else going on here- I just wanted to send a quick shout for some prayers and positive thoughts coming my grandpas way. He's still in the hospital. They aren't sure what is technically wrong with him, but he's required 6 pints of blood thus far. He's totally conscious and everything, but they can't figure out where the bleeding is coming from. It was looking like he was going to go home without a diagnosis like he did in March, but all of the sudden they are concerned about prostate levels (PSA), and also that his bone marrow is not producing platelets, which explains why he keeps on bleeding- he's not clotting. He's having a CT scan tomorrow and we're not sure what they are looking for. He has THE biggest bitch of a doctor, and I'm having a really hard time convincing myself to stay here and not fly up there to beat her ass. I fail to see why people would ever want to go into medicine, when they completely lack compassion. She waltzed into the hospital room tonight, told him "You have a vein in your heart that is going to burst at any moment", and walked out. When he tried to ask her a question, she said they would talk Monday, and that was that. Does anyone closer to WV want to go and beat her ass on my behalf? Seriously, I'm having a hard time not making a phone call to let that woman have it BIG time. So, send lots of good thoughts his way because he surely needs them.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Reopening, and the Trip That Should Have Never Been

Before I go into details of what could have possibly been THE single worst trip of my life, I wanted to say that I am sooooo excited to be a part of a wonderful blog, Chic Chat! The ladies are awesome and have invited me to join in contributing to the blog with them. It's an all-topic, all- encompassing, everyone welcome type of place to be! We're re-launching the blog today, so come along, won't you? :) Just follow the cute little box below! :)


My trip, is quite possibly the single worst trip ever. Before this, I would have told you that it was my 3rd anniversary trip that would have taken that award, but by far this trip has taken first place.

It started Thursday, with a lonnnnng morning with the kids. I was finishing packing, and also trying to get the house cleaned, because I am one of those weird people who cleans before vacation. By the time 3pm rolled around and we backed out of the garage, I was exhausted and dreading the 5 hour drive.

We got about 2 hours down the road and my phone rang, it was mother in law. Come to find out, their flight is delayed, and not just by a little bit. By 5 HOURS. I was running on time, giving myself just enough time to get to the airport and greet them at their gate at 7:30pm. Now, they didn't even take off until 10:15 pm.

By the time their flight landed, and the taxi cab driver got lost and called asking for the hotel phone number, it was almost 2am when they walked into the hotel room.

Did I mention that we had a 4:30 am wake up call? Yep. Ugh. :/

Rewinding back, the car ride down with the kids was definitely an interesting one. We've taken them on several lengthy car trips, but this was my first one that I had done alone. It could have been a lot worse, but I was hoping it would have been a lot better.

We arrived at the hotel, exhausted and hungry. I called in pizza to appease us all, and realized that we had no milk for son. During this time, about 20 min after checking in, the fire alarm goes off in the hotel. It sends daughter into a panic because she thinks there really is a fire, and it also sends son into orbit since he has over sensitive hearing now with the tubes in his ears. Oh, good times. Incidentally, said fire alarm also shut down the elevator and it didn't work again the whole time we were there (which was only about 3 hours, mind you) but it meant that we had to carry our luggage up and down 3 flights of stairs.

Waking up the next morning- or a mere 2.5 hours after we went to bed- was pure hell. The kids were exhausted, we were all grouchy, AND we were running late. Very late. We did make it on time though, to what I will forever refer to as the most in depth embarkation process in my life. We have been on many cruises, and this one was by far the craziest thing I had dealt with. It took over 40 sheets of my printer paper to print out all of our paperwork, and it took equally as much work to get on the boat itself. Whew.

For those that have ever been on an actual cruise, this boat is not that. It's merely a cheap way to get from the US to Freeport, and is often the method of transportation that the Freeport natives use to come to the US to shop. Everything over there is so expensive, that it's just cheaper to come over here and shop. Of course, there are people that use it for vacation purposes as well, because it's much cheaper than flying. So they do have activities, a casino, restaurant and gift shop on there. However, with that they also slow the boat wayyyy down in order to make money off of you. So while Freeport is a mere 55 miles off of the coast of Florida, they take 5 hours to get there. Plus at least an hour to get on and off the boat. Each way. OMG.

Once in Freeport, we were literally beat. We finally made it to our hotel at 3pm and checked in. We did manage to ask about an upgrade, a tip I learned while reading reviews of the hotel, and so we got an ocean front room for the same price. :) It was a gorgeous view! The hotel was far above and beyond what I was expecting, and the service, while slow, was excellent. But, after such a long and time consuming journey, we only had a couple of hours of beach and pool time before dinner.

Dinner was interesting- we walked into a restaurant that literally looked deserted. we later figured out that even though it was already 6pm, we were apparently early compared to when most people there dine. We unknowingly were seated in an area where local music was being set up to play, but it really added to the atmosphere. once they started to play, the masses of people swarmed the area and started to dance. By this point, daughter had fallen asleep at the table, and son was out dancing in the middle of the aisle (I'll try to post video of this at some point).

We ate our dinner, and woke daughter up to leave. As we are leaving, she literally just pukes in the middle of the restaurant floor. We were really shocked because normally she doesn't just throw up out of nowhere, and definitely not without telling me. It had to be from sheer exhaustion and traveling, because she was perfectly fine the next day. But, you can imagine my stress level by this point. Nothing has gone right, son is so tired and whiny, daughter has just puked, and I have lost what tiny bit of patience the sleep deprivation hadn't taken from me. We turned in early that night, for sure.

Waking up the next day, it was storming and so our actual beach and pool time was limited to about 4 We decided to walk across the street to a local market, just to do something in the rain.

Keeping in mind that the Bahamas do not typically have franchised things- they have no Walmart, no major chains of anything- I was quite surprised when we found a Hello Kitty (Sanrio) store in the market. Daughter loves their stuff. Ever been in one of those? It's not your $2 Hello Kitty notebooks that you see in Target- it is $50 charm bracelets and even more expensive luggage, with some lower priced things mixed in. I happened to notice a good amount of seats (maybe 15-20) lined up out in front of the store, looking terribly out of place. But, my brain was fried and I never thought that something might have been going on. Not wanting to have son tear up the whole store, I took a seat outside and let daughter go in.

Then, in a dream like scene out of a movie, a crowd of people come out the door in suits and dresses. Am I in the middle of a wedding, a funeral? Here, at a Hello Kitty store?? I finally decide that I have no choice but to ask if I am about to be a part of something that I shouldn't be a part of, and I learn that it's their grand opening at that very moment.

This could only happen to us.

Here I am, seated with my overly active and loud 2 year old, in the midst of about 15 beautiful and well dressed Bahamian people, about to take part in what appears- according to the program- to be a very lengthy opening ceremony. Complete with pink and purple ribbon cutting.

I decide at the last minute that I need to get out of there- I figured either way, I'm most likely being disrespectful, but I'd much rather see the ceremony from inside than to be out there having son cause a scene. But what I didn't know, is that when I ducked into the store, mother in law did not follow. I look back out a few minutes later, and here she is standing there looking around while they are singing their national anthem, and I officially am about to burst into fits of laughter. It could be a "you had to be there" moment, but it was by far the funniest point of the trip. it turns out that if we would have been able to stay, they were going to let daughter walk through the ribbon. Why? Because she's following in my shop-a-holic footsteps. She was the first customer ;) I've tried to find an article about it online, but I can't. Trust me though, you don't make this kind of stuff up. :) We were in a rush to get back to catch a taxi to the boat, otherwise it would have been really neat to see the ceremony and let daughter be in it :)

The boat ride back was, well, hot for starters. Our air conditioning in our cabin wasn't fantastic, but it wasn't worth complaining over for a 5 hour ride. We sailed back through a storm, and it's felt a lot more on a boat like that then it is a big cruise ship. Thankfully, no more puking. Beyond that it just felt like it took forever, and once we pulled into port, I made a comment about how I felt like I was coming back from war. (No offense to soldiers, I don't mean real war, I mean personal war ;)) Upon pulling into port, we learned that my grandpa (a different one) has fallen ill and was put into the hospital while we were gone (his wife was the grandma that was on the trip with me). He is hopefully on the mend, but sadly I think that this past trip will be the last one my grandma makes, as she is now plagued with guilt for leaving him in the first place. I just wish our trip would have been much better, if it was her last then we definitely ended on a sour note- not on our terms personally, but just with a crappy trip.

The next morning, I dropped off my grandma, mother in law, and daughter at the airport. Daughter has gone back to WV to visit for a week or so, at which point I will pop a Valium and fly up there to get her ;) Daughter was trying not to cry- she wanted to go, but was still a little sad, just as you would expect a kid to be. Son and I made the journey home, and I was EVER so glad to be here. I've since talked to daughter and she's doing fine- I even called to ask her if she wanted me to sign her up for soccer this fall and she said yes, and gymnastics. But not dance. This saddens me greatly that my kid is already ready to take a break from dance! She does so well, but if it's not her passion then I cannot force her :/ Ugh, they grow up so fast!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Sail Away, Sail Away, Sail Away

(Insert my drool here)

Aren't they beautiful? Ok, don't lie to me. These are two terribly hideous purses. However, what you may NOT have known, is that I am a lover of hideous purses. Acutally I'm just a purse whore in general. I've got my eye on these babies, and I've managed to convince husband to get me one of them. It's only a matter of time....did I mention that I am highly skilled in persuasive speaking too? ;) I get told at least a few times a week that I should be a lawyer. Mainly just because I like to argue, and refuse to lose ;)

I'm headed out again tomorrow for our Bahamas trip. Here's another fact for you- I'm all about the weather. I know that there is no way I would be smart enough to learn all of the science stuff about weather, but it's interested me for a long time. So, as I usually do before a trip, I go to the weather channel site. I also check out NOAA because they keep my anxiety at a low when hurricanes are approaching. I like to be informed. ;)

Well, you can imagine my surprise when just two days ago, the waters of the Caribbean were calm and still. Today? I get this.

Fun times, fun times. Oh, and trust me, it looks a lot worse on the weather channel than it does in my copied and pasted picture.

I'll be back Sunday, provided we get to the island to start with ;)

Monday, July 20, 2009

Home, if only for a minute

OK, so I hope that I am a little better looking than that lady, but that about sums it up. I am BEAT, big time, and the fun has only just begun.

Vacation was nice, we had gorgeous weather, and a great place to stay. Daughter had a blast, and son had a blast up until about Wednesday. Then he was officially over being on vacation, and it was hit or miss from there on. :)

We saw some HUGE sea turtles in the ocean- thankfully they were sea turtles. I have to admit that when you're in the ocean and there are several LARGE black shadows coming towards you, one has a tendency to freak out at what they may or may not be. But, one popped it's head up to let us know that it wasn't anything harmful, and so it was all smooth sailing from there.

I also bought THE coolest camera- I'll have to post some pics that I took later, but this is officially the best camera I've had, and I haven't even had a chance to really do a whole lot with it. I took lots of under water pictures of daughter in the pool, and a few in the ocean too. The water was a beautiful green color, nice and clear. It's surely to be even more clear in the Bahamas this weekend, so I'm hoping to put it to even better use then. Not only is the camera a normal digital camera, it's waterproof, shockproof, crush proof, and did I mention that it's just bad ass? ;) We have a huge paparazzi camera that we take, but I wanted a small one that I can tote with me in the car and feel ok leaving it in there without it being seen, and this one fits the bill :)

Other than that, not too much to report. I'm busy getting laundry finished up and RE-packing to leave Thursday, along with packing a totally separate suitcase for daughter, who will go right from the Bahamas to WV to visit. My parents were supposed to bring her back, but with the recent news of my grandpa, I will now be going up there to get her so that I can see him. Rest assured I want nothing more than to spend time with my grandpa, but beyond that, my visit will be very short. In all honesty, I HATE going "home" for many reasons and I don't know how long that will take to change, if ever. More bitching to come on this topic, I'm sure ;)

I'm also counting down- 68 days!!!!- until my girls cruise. Stoked does not even begin to describe it!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Travelin' Lady

If I'm needed, this is where you will find me. ;) We're headed out in the morning for vacation, and after all that has gone on in the last month or so- I desperately need it. But first, a little bit more packing, and the space shuttle launch (watching from the beach here) tonight.

I'll be back in town Sunday, only to turn around and head to the Bahamas that Thursday. But if you haven't guessed, I'm totally not complaining.

My only downfall to this trip? We're staying in a condo, and so I miss out on the hotel sized shampoos and all of that other fun stuff. Don't ask me why I love them, but I do. Enough that I have a small travel train case full of them ;) Seriously, stick me in the travel and trial sized aisle at Target and I can be entertained for at least an hour ;)

Happy trails...

Friday, July 10, 2009


It's quite possible that betrayed may be a bit too harsh for my title post, but I'm rolling with it anyhow.

I feel like we have been 100% completely surrounded by death and heartbreak the past month or so, I honestly don't know how much more my heart can take. First, it was the grandma of a childhood friend, who was kind of like a grandma to me. Then it was my dad's good friend, and then our neighbor. I still grieve- DAILY- for our neighbor, and honestly I think I will until the day someone else moves into that house, or we move off of this street. It's a constant reminder of how short life is, when I look across that street and see an empty driveway. It's terribly upsetting to take the kids out to play, and look over there waiting on him to bring his kids out like he always did, until I remember...

then came the passing of several celebrities. These really didn't affect me on a personal level, but I had already been cloaked in heartache for those that did for several days now, and so I kind of felt like I identified with those families more than I would have under normal circumstances.

Then, today comes. My mom calls to tell me that my grandpa is in the hospital. This is unfortunately a slightly frequent occurrence because he's had lung cancer and health problems that have resulted from it. For several years now, cancer free. She says that they are running cardiac enzymes to see if he had a heart attack, because he went to the hospital with chest pains. On top of other things, he has small vessel disease, and therefor cannot find a doctor to do stints in his very blocked heart. It's a scary situation, so any type of chest pain send them to the ER just to be sure. Mom mentions a PET scan, blood test, and headed home tonight, will call when I hear something new, etc, Bye.

Then husband calls. He's been out of town for a couple of days, and I notice that the conversation is strange. When he calls I tell him that I think I have figured out that I would like to go to NYC for our anniversary- given that a good friend of mine just posted her new NYC pics (Hi!) and I am just itching to go :) Husband seems very agreeable, and asks me several times "What else is going on?" and I respond with the normal chatter like "Oh, doing laundry.." , "Oh, unloading the dishwasher.." etc. Then husband says that we need to talk when he gets home, which is something that no one should EVER tell me, because I do not like delayed news, surprises, anything unexpected, or anything resembling any of those things. So I hound him until he says "Your mom called me today at 7:15 bawling her eyes out, and said that your grandpa had a PET scan and his cancer is back. She said for me to NOT tell you until we get back from vacation because she didn't want to ruin your trip, and that I HAVE to figure out how to convince you to go to WV to pick up daughter when her visit is finished from up there, I told her there's no way I can convince you to do that unless you know that there is a reason."

I am beyond devastated. My grandpa has had large portions of each of his lungs removed, and I don't see him doing chemo or anything like that. And even worse, with this feeling I have of NOT knowing what is going on, or what course of treatment they will take, or what the prognosis is, I can't even call anyone to ask because I'm not supposed to know. Not only that, I'm the ONLY one in the family that "doesn't know".

I understand that my mom thinks she was doing me a favor by not telling me, when I think quite the opposite is actually true. I can't count how many times I have heard her say that someone was sick and that no one bothered to tell her, and that she felt upset and can't believe that they would keep it from her, etc, and here she is doing the exact same thing to me. the EXACT same thing! In the grand scheme of things, a vacation is not important compared to knowing things about your family and being involved and prepared. I am a huge family person, no matter how far away, and to keep me in the dark is just so hurtful. And to call and burden husband with that information and expect him to be ok about keeping it from me just makes no sense. Now I'm in this horribly awkward position of knowing and being terribly upset, with no one in the family to talk to about it, and having to act as if I don't know when I do get told, so as not to damage the relationship between my mother and husband.

The past month has just been so hard, on my heart. Not in health, but in spirit. I know now more than ever, that we have so much and so much to be thankful for, but I am just mentally spent. I am physically suffering. My stomach is sick, my chest is tight, my emotions are just out of control. And I think, understandably so. Right now I just want to be so far away from all of this, and it seems like every time we turn around another thing has gone wrong.

So for those of you that do, please say a prayer or kind word for my family. I can't tell you how good or bad things are, because I am in the dark and totally clueless. But I can assure you that to think or pray kind things never hurts, no matter the circumstance.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Firework-ed Out

I've spent some time recovering from company, as I tend to do. It amazes me how much upkeep my house requires- something that I realize each and every time I have company, as when they leave it looks like a tornado has blown through.

Speaking of, we had 4 water spots and 1 tornado up the road last week. Aside from seeing an alligator (which I fully accomplished and care NOT to do again, thankyouverymuch), a water spout is next on my list. From a safe distance of course. How did I miss 4 in one day? Ugh. One even piddled around at husbands work, apparently it stayed on the river for over an hour. But he had already left for the day. One day I'll see one people, one day I will. Oh! And speaking of rivers, we have quite a big one here- it by far chumps any river I've seen in WV. 3 miles wide at some points!

Anyhow, moving on. We had a nice holiday weekend- saw fireworks twice, and decided against a 3rd time because frankly, we're all just pooped. I spent the day cleaning house and my legs are ACHING. Typically this means storms in the forecast, though the aching legs are new to me all over again- haven't dealt with that since my pre-teen years.

In other fun news, I crossed one thing off the list of my total body tune up that I've decided I desperately need- an eye appointment. Now of course this is of no excitement to those of you who are reading, but my prescription has stayed the same going on about 5 years now. Who else can say that one thing in their life has been completely constant for 5 years running? ;) I surely can't say it about anything else around here. ;)

I also marked something else off of a list- if you were a reader of mine back at the new year, you may recall my list of pseudo-resolutions. #5 on my non-resolution resolutions list is by far the most difficult and still most daunting, to this day. May 28th (or 29th? Can't remember) marked our one year anniversary of moving here to Florida, and other than a few people that I've met through association like daughter's Girl Scouts, I have no friends here. Wahhhhh! (I do have to give myself props though, because I have halfway accomplished #s 1, 2 and 4 as well. So for that, I will not beat myself down over not even trying #3 ;) )

It truly is my fault- I know that I'm a totally likeable person, I'm funny and super easy to get along with. But when I join a mom's group and then sit here and refuse to go to meetings, that kind of makes it hard to meet people. We'll call it a transition period ;)

so anyway, 4th of July we went to one of husbands coworkers for dinner and drinks. I have to say, it's always nice to get out and socialize with people, and we get along well with them anyhow. I was asking about the moms group that the coworkers wife is in, and she invited me to a playdate that she happens to be hosting. This is a BIG score for me, because now I get the comfort of being in the house of someone that I already know, and she is new to the group too, so that makes it a little easier on both of us :) Said playdate is tomorrow morning, 10am. Quite early for my tastes, because I'm not really a fully productive and functioning member of society until at least noon, but I'm going to try it out for the sake of playdates for my children, AND so I can make a friend or two for the love of Pete. Come one people DAMNIT be my friend! ;) What is it about showing up in a room full of unknown people that freaks me the hell out? ;)

Oh but wait, there's more. As if one playdate wasn't enough, we're headed straight from that playdate to another one. It is with a mom that I already know from Girl Scouts, so no big deal or freak out there. Then I'm headed back home, to get ready for a Girls Night Out with another mom from Girl Scouts at my favorite restaurant. 3 activities on one day? Yep. Just call me the overachiever ;) Actually this week kicks off our very busy July, in which we have already painted and redecorated daughters room, and will be taking at least 3 (possibly 4) trips, and squishing a trip to see a shuttle launch in between. Starting next week, I will only be home 5 out of 19 days. I'm definitely looking forward to the break and a small step out of reality, after all that has been going on here lately. I only dread the laundry that will have to be put up afterwards ;)

Sunday, June 28, 2009

My Mug

Hiiiiiii ;)
In a rare move, I thought I'd show my face on here. You know, just to prove that I do exist in human form. So here's me and my kiddos. Aren't they cute? ;)

Our weekend was most certainly interesting- I can definitely say that I've never had to attend a funeral and a wedding in the same day, less than 8 hours apart. Each was beautiful in their own respect, though obviously the funeral was a terribly, terribly sad event that we would rather not have happened.

This past week has brought a lot of things into the light for me. I don't think that I've ever felt so affected by the death of someone that I didn't know very well. I can see myself in that position- not literally- but they are just like us in several aspects. Young, and he was the worker, she stays home with the kids. Their kids are just like ours- an older girl and a younger boy, and they are about the same age as our kids too. I sympathize for his wife, but I truly sympathize for the whole situation- the adjustment of having to become a working mom, a single mom, and now kids who will never have their daddy back. I know that I need to either figure out how to get my license back into active status, or have something else to fall back on in case of anything such as this (God forbid).

With that being said, I've hit another hump in what I like to think of as my 20's induced life crisis. Yes, I still have NO idea what I want to be when I grow up, and in just 3 short years I will be 30. So I'm currently researching other things that I may want to do with myself, besides the nursing career that I never even started (I did graduate and hold a license for the record- then had kid #2 and never went to work). Don't get me wrong, nursing is a wonderful profession and I know that I have the heart for it, and I am a caring person. But.....well, just but. I don't know what I want to do. For now that's ok. I at least will keep myself busy with researching options in the mean time ;)

July is just around the corner..literally. Where has this year gone? We have a busy month coming up, and I have to say I'm looking forward to it, BUT dreading the cleanup afterwards. We'll be leaving mid-month for vacation, then back on the 19th. Then the kiddos and I will be taking off for a weekend Bahamas trip. Once I get back from there, daughter will head to WV to visit for two weeks and I will hopefully spend a couple of nights at Disney visiting an old high school friend. All of the sudden it will be August, and I am sure to find myself back here wondering WHERE has the summer gone! But! Fear not my friends, not August, nor September, signal the end of summer here in Florida. It only means that we go from sweltering heat and near fainting, to tolerable heat and still large sums of humidity. ;)

With that my friends, I turn in for the evening. I lack anything exciting to report, but I can definitely assure you that I have had a terribly busy weekend, and for once I am ready to start a new week, bring on a Monday!

Monday, June 22, 2009

In Memory Of...

We've had one of those weekends around here where the sad news just keeps coming. A good childhood friend of mine lost his grandma, my dad lost a dear friend, and our neighbor died in a car wreck.

I think that of all of these, I'm really affected by our neighbor. He had two small children that are the same ages as our kids. They are all just good, good people. He was so helpful and nice, we never saw him look mad or angry, always had a smile on his face.

I can't imagine being his wife. She was out of state visiting family, and they had to track her down and let her know what happened. Can you imagine taking a 4 hour flight to know what you're coming home to? Going in your empty house with all of those reminders of what had been, just not so long ago? I can't imagine having to break that kind of news to my kids and tell them what has happened. What would you do when they ask for daddy, I can't imagine the sadness this would bring. I had dreams about them all night last night, waking up in between with overwhelming sadness at the thought of how drastically changed their lives now are.

Tomorrow is no guarantee, nor is the rest of today. Sometimes the people that we lose have only been in our lives for a short period before they are quickly taken away. We should cherish those that we have with us, and value that time that we have. It can be gone just as fast as it came.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Sliding Doors

Ever seen the movie? It's been awhile since I've seen it, but basically it's the story showing what would happen to the same girl, if she had taken a path different than the one that she had taken.

Typically I stick to the usual ramblings in this blog. I don't like to make it too personal, and sometimes personal can equal boring. There's been a lot going on around here, and sometimes I just need to get it all out. And well, this IS my blog, and I guess I should take advantage of that.

My own life is like the movie, Sliding Doors. Not necessarily the movie itself, but the plot in general. I am one side of that story, one part of the "what if". Only I don't get to watch for another 45 minutes and see how the other side would have turned out, I just wonder. Almost daily.

I was always sort of a rebel child. A preachers kid who just wanted to break out of her shell. I experimented in my teenage years, I did things I shouldn't have. Somewhere along the way, I dated a few guys that were ok, no one that ever really stuck out.

After I graduated high school, I met a guy. In a bar. Sounds simple enough, right? I was 18, he was (at least 18). No? What?

Ok, so I dated this guy that was 2 years younger than me- I found out several weeks after we had been together, and we were already developing really strong feelings for each other. Age is just a number, right?

To spare you all of the seriously messed up details, it was a totally destructive relationship. At one point I moved to North Carolina with him and his dad, before something snapped in me 3 months later. I came back to WV, and never looked back.

I won't "knock" that part of my life- it was who I was at the time. I was blind to my stupidity at the time, and embarrassed by my actions now. I hurt my family, I alienated my friends. I gained so much knowledge experience from it, and I grew so much after it. I became a different, better person.

When I came back from NC, I moved back in with my parents, got a job, and started over. Life was really good. I had my own car, I had my family and I had my friends back.

I could tell you so many stories about how I met the love of my life. We knew each other in high school, and several times in life, fate has brought us back together in ways that you only see in a really good movie. Once I came back from NC, we started dating again. One night after dinner, we'd only been together a few days when he told me he loved me. It wasn't the first time, but it freaked me out that it was so sudden. We hadn't seen each other in years, we were different people giving it another go.

And I ran.

I literally cut ties with him, I for once in my life had TRUE love and I let it go. I freaked out, and I lost it.

That same night that he told me that he loved me, was the night that I met my now husband. We were out at a bar, the boyfriend has been drinking and was acting goofy, a a drunk tends to do. I had had a long day at work and all I really wanted to do was shoot some pool, which I was damn good at back in my day I must say ;) My now husband was there with a friend and so I played them in pool. The boyfriend was on the stool acting ridiculous, and the future husband was confident. He was self assured and seemed to be having a good time. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him, and we went on our first date that next weekend.

I don't know why I went out that night. I'd had a bad day at work and I just wanted to relax. And more importantly I don't know why I gave the now husband my number that night. I was with a guy that loved me more than anything, and I gave it up because for once in my life, I was scared of love. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain, and I ran through the wrong "sliding door".

I say all of this to say that rarely does a day go by that I don't realize that I married the wrong person. I didn't fall in love with my husband, I fell in love with what he could give me. I had come out of a terrible relationship with (literally) a teenage boy, and met a guy who was nice, who took me on trips, who was fun loving and respectful. And who was fake. He won me over, and then the curtains closed and the real guy came out. his attitude makes him ugly, and the fact that I could still love my ex boyfriend from forever ago helps nothing in our situation. I truly have lived the movie Sliding Doors because I know how it feels to wonder what if. I know that the love of my life is out there, engaged to someone else now (this is fact) and probably getting married soon. I know that if I STILL think of him and love him NO less than I did 7 years ago, then it is true. I know that you cannot possibly have a schoolgirl crush on someone for 11 years. This is how long I have known him.

I married my husband because I got pregnant with daughter. I know now that it was not the right thing to do, but as I've said in a previous post, many eyes were on me and my family and I felt like I had to do it. I know better now. I know that I would have had the best support system in the world as a single mom, and I know that my husband does not make me a good mom. I am a wonderful one without him, and sometimes in spite of him. It was the one thing that I didn't doubt when I became a statistic of teenage pregnancy. I never once doubted my abilities to be a good mother.

When we first got married, divorce was imminent. We fought non-stop, it was nothing but stress. I kept in touch with my ex, certain that I would end up back with him. At one point it was so bad that I took my then 7mo old daughter, and drove 6 1/2 hours to the beach. He lived an hour from there and we met up. my husband later found out about this, and I can honestly say I still don't feel bad about it. Call me a bitch if you must. We ran into each other a few times over the course of the next couple of years, and each time was just like we'd seen each other the day before. Literally nothing changed each and every time.

It finally ended shortly there after. And by "it", I mean communication. We did not have sex, there was nothing like that going on. He was begging me to leave my husband and move in with him, offering to pay for me to go to school and everything. I look back now and I wonder, why didn't I do things like this? I've always been a daring person, I've always gone against the grain. So why didn't I go with my heart instead of worrying so much about what other people would think of me? Why didn't I care about myself for once? I married while I was 8 months pregnant because I was so worried about what people would think, why didn't I take my chance to get out of the situation that I got myself into?

Don't get me wrong. From the outside looking in, we have a great life. We have a wonderful home, two beautiful healthy children that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world, husband has a great job. It's the little things that matter to me- the rudeness, the lack of respect, the things that TRULY count to me.

We moved to Florida, and I truly hoped for a fresh start. The guy that I was not with, ironically moved back to WV from SC, and said that he did it for me. Things didn't work out like they were planned obviously. I had hoped that moving here would give me a fresh start, mentally. But nearly daily, I wake up and at some point during the day, I think about what could have been. It's not the way I should be, but it's the way I am. There are things that I smell, places and things that I see that remind me of the past. Songs that I hear remind me of nights that we drove around with my head on his shoulder listening to him sing, and being nothing but content.

Something this past weekend at Disney reminded me of how things used to be. I can't remember what it even was now. It's been over 3 years since I've talked to my ex, and that last communication was a friendly one- he, telling me about his fiance, and I, telling him about how we were expecting our second child. So imagine my surprise tonight when I log into my messenger and I see that I have a request from him for me to add him to my chat list. I don't know why, there was no message attached to it or anything at all. Just there he was, reminding me that he does exist somewhere other than in my mind.

Why do I say all of this? For starters I haven't said enough. I could tell story upon story that has a fairy tale feeling. If you've never been in love, I can tell you what it feels like, and sometimes I'm afraid that I won't remember before too much longer. If you want to know whether to take that leap of faith, I can say with certainty, DO IT, because you may just spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened it you had.