Saturday, April 4, 2009

Am I A Buzz Kill?

I think I've been given a complex by a 6 year old.

Rewinding- last night daughter had a friend stay over from school. Great times for all of course- except for the mess that is left behind now, but I expected that much. Her friend came over at 7 last night and we let them play outside for awhile until it got dark. Husband helped them play baseball, soccer, etc., and I stayed close by son trying to keep him occupied.

Later that night I came into daughters room to tell her it was time to settle down for the night, and I find them in full dress up gear, rocking out to Hannah Montana. I closed the door and started to walk down the hall and I hear

Daughter: "That was SO embarrassing"

Friend: "What?"

Daughter: "My mom seeing us dance like that"

Friend: "Oh, I know. Hey, your daddy is really nice!"

Daughter: "I know"

What?! I am the uncool mom? Am I going to be the mom that every one of my kids friends hate? You know, the mom that is the total buzz kill who is always grouchy. Sheesh, is that me and I had no clue? Ugh. I surely hope not. I happen to think I am pretty cool, especially considering the age difference between me and daughters friends is about the same as me and most of her friends moms. But maybe I am old and not cool and I just had no idea. Thanks a lot, 6 year olds, for making me feel like the old witch with the wart on my nose.

Leaving that rant and moving on to the next one... I'll spare you all of the details of my dilemmas, but I am reaching a point where I'm utterly fed up with husband. It's a long story with a lot of history that I doubt I will EVER find the time to explain on here, but while we are talking about buzz kills, if ever I had one, he is it. (And I'm not referring to anything abusive or anything like that) So think of me now and then as I constantly battle with myself in my head over what I am doing with my life and myself. I tell you, since we have moved here I have been going through a serious identity crisis. I hear that happens in your 20's. I never believed it before, but I do now. I think growing up so close to family, I've sort of defined who I am by who I was surrounded with and where we were. Now that absolutely everything in my life is different, I have no idea who I am. Seriously. All of this has left with me with lots of stress and feeling like I have no time for myself. I know something has to change, soon, somewhere.


MrsSoersdal said...

I've had about 305 identity crises since my 20s began. I think I have it figured out now, but I can't be sure.

You're only the buzzkill of the moment. Had you been baking brownies with them earlier or whatever and your husband walked in on the dancing, he'd be the old embarrassment and you'd be the cool one. I think they just didn't want adult witnesses.

Bridgett said...

Aggghh! If you're a buzzkill, I must seriously be the Wicked Witch of the West...Virginia.


I kill myself.

But seriously, I really don't think you're a buzzkill at all.

As for the hubby thing...I feel your pain. And I know I've went through several identity crisis' since my 20's. Which is probably why I ended back in WV after a decade. ::sigh::

What is it about WV? It's like the ultimate Dyson sucks you right in.